The Nature of Spoilers

It seems most people fall into one of two camps:  the spoiler addict or the spoiler phobic.  Well, actually, there's also the "I couldn't care less either way" camp, the "I only care about certain movies" camp, etc., but I'm trying to keep it simple.

For the addict, the hunt for the next info nugget is one of life's great joys.  For the phobic, any scrap of info, no matter how small, sends them into paroxysms of agony.  "You spoiled that Johnny Depp's socks will be black in this movie instead of brown - YOU FIEND!!!"

There should be a shelf life for spoilers - for example, I don't think you can get mad about someone ruining the end of The Wizard of Oz (SPOILERS - It was all a dream!).  Others take a little too much joy in spoiling things the instant they come out.  "That was almost as awesome as when you found out that the detective was the killer. ...What, you haven't seen it yet?  Dude, the midnight showing ended 15 minutes ago."

Two of my friends encountered an even worse type - the simultaneous spoiler.  While watching The Avengers (in its second week out, mind you), a guy sitting behind them insisted on yelling out key lines and actions right before they happened.

Example (SPOILERS, obviously): When Capt. America is giving out orders to the team at the end, he turns to Hulk.  "And Hulk?" Cap says.  "SMASH!" yells the idiot behind them.  "Smash!" Cap repeats.  Idiot laughs.  "That was awesome!"

That's the kind of thing that makes me wish theaters had ejector seats.

Drawing and picture are (c) 2012 A. M. Perkins.  All rights reserved.